Another ER tale

/ posted in: General

I’m sitting in the ER. What a lovely way to spend a Sunday evening. I’m supposed to be at the new Kevin Smith movie. We went to dinner first. The SO has a food allergy. He’s neurotic (sometimes embarrassingly so) about asking about ingredients. I heard him ask tonight. He was told that there was none of it in his order. Whoops.

The throat constriction, itching, and hives started within 5 minutes of leaving the restaurant. We went to the drug store and he took benedryl but the symptoms were getting worse. I drove to the hospital. He is prone to melodrama in medical emergencies. He was telling me goodbye and leaving final messages for Z. I was waiting for him to intone “Goodbye cruel world.” When he finally shut up I wasn’t sure if he was dying or had just run out of final requests. He was able to walk into the ER but was mostly collapsed dramatically across the desk when I finished parking the car.

The attending doctor is a neighbor. I met him last week at the costume party. He remembered my name but said I looked really different without my white wig and facepaint. He got to mostly observe while the nurses and PA worked. Why am I not a human doctor?

It is 1.5 hours after admission and I’m composing this on the memo pad so I don’t get in trouble for web browsing in the ER. I’ll post when I get out of the no contact zone.

He woke up enough to wonder where his watch was. He kept saying that he thought it was between his legs. I figured he was delusional. But it wasn’t with his other stuff. He told me to check between his legs. I asked him if he was hitting on me. That’s a pickup line if I ever heard one. It turns out that his watch was sitting on his waistband where they probably dropped it when they stripped it off to put in his IV.

The other fun thing in medical situations with his is the blood pressure. He is super muscular but doesn’t look it at first glance. The nurses can never figure out why the BP cuff won’t fit around this seemingly normal sized guy’s arm. They try repeatedly and then blame worn out velcro for the failure to hold before they give up and get the XXL size. Telling them in advance doesn’t help. He doesn’t look like he needs an abnormally large cuff. It frustrates people every time.