My whole new philosophy

/ posted in: Religion

I’ve finally decided what to call myself religiously. I’ve been thinking this over for a while. I’ve been trying grasp at some concept that was floating in the ether just out of reach. I was looking for a term that described people of the pagan persuasion who didn’t go around dressed like extras from a Harry Potter movie. I wanted a term for “normal” people. Then it occurred to me.

I’m an Executive Pagan.

For those of you not familiar with Eddie Izzard’s wonderful Dress to Kill concert and his discussion of executive transvestites, well, shame on you. Run out and watch it right this instant.

Also, if you’re a transvestite, you get lumped into that weirdo grouping, you know? When I was in New York, there was a guy in the Bronx who was living in a cave… like you do, and he was coming out and shooting at geese and… ( chuckles ) a lot of weird things going on with this guy; and the police picked him up and they found a collection of women’s shoes, and they thought, “Maybe he’s a transvestite.” And if he is, he’s a fucking weirdo transvestite! I’m much more in the executive transvestite area. Travel the world, yes, it’s much more executive. Like J. Edgar Hoover, what a fuckhead he was! They found out when he died that he was a transvestite, and they go, “Well, that explains his weird behavior!” Yeah, fucking weirdo transvestite! ( pointing to himself )Executive transvestite. It’s a lot wider community, more wide than you’d think…

So from now on when people on TV only show pagans dressed like Morticia Addams, I will repeat to myself, “Executive Pagan.” Yesterday at work when people were reading a magazine with fake magician fingers to make your spells work more powerfully and mocking people who thought that spells and magic were real, I said to myself “Executive Pagan.” It makes me feel better.