Pre-vacation stress

/ posted in: FamilyGeneraltravel

When I am Queen of the Universe if you plan a vacation all by yourself because your consort is not taking an active interest and then 36 hours before you leave he calls you from work and questions EVERY SINGLE DECISION you’ve made, it will not be illegal to drown him on said vacation.

Just sayin’.

If in a moment of annoyance you tell him that beggars can’t be choosers (because you bought the plane tickets and your parents are letting you use their time share club for free) and he then wonders why you are getting such an attitude, it will be required by law that you must reach through the phone and slap him senseless.

I’m trying to be patient. He has travelled extensively but never without a machine gun. He thinks of foreign places as hostile and threatening. I’ve told him that it is amazing how much nicer people are when you aren’t trying to overthrow their government. (Since we are going to the US Virgin Islands trying to overthrow the government will get him in HUGE trouble anyway.) I’m going to make him practice saying, “We come in peace.” That way if anyone finds him threatening I can claim he’s an alien and that will liven things up. I’m practicing saying, “Dude, chill, we’re on vacation” in a surfer accent so if it doesn’t succeed in calming him down it will at least annoy him. LOL

My preferred style of travel is upscale backpacker. I like cheap hotels and going out and exploring. I hate staying in big expensive resorts surrounded by other Americans. That is precisely what we are doing here. Chant with me – Beggars Can’t Be Choosers! I am looking forward to alternating laying on the resort’s private beach and swimming in the ocean though. My main goal is to make my own Corona ads. Just my feet and the water and another prop or two. I don’t drink beer so I’ll have to get creative.

We aren’t able to rent a car because only one car rental agency will rent to people with debit cards and that is subject to approval when you get there. What they are looking for in order to approve you seems to be a great big secret though. Since we don’t have credit cards (damn our financial responsibility!) we will be taking taxis around the island unless we can figure out the bus system. The buses are $1. That appeals to his cheapness and my sense of real tourism. Apparently there is no set schedule. If the stars align you can find a bus. Sounds good to me! Brings back memories of being dumped off a bus in Costa Rica where no one was waiting to pick me up. Ah, good times.

I think I liked it better when he was “too stressed at work to think about vacation.” I’d hate to have to strangle him before we even get there !