Sticker Crazy

/ posted in: General

There is this trend in the town I work in to get stickers made that say “In Loving Memory of …..” with the birth and death dates. These then go on your back window of your car. Is this a trend anywhere else? I don’t see it in any of the surrounding towns. I’m not sure why it so prevalent here.

There is a kiosk set up in the mall in this town where you can get custom made stickers. They kindly show you some ideas if you can’t decide how to offend the people driving behind you. Besides the ubiquitious Calvin urinating on anything you like you can get one that reads NO HEIFERS ALLOWED – Truck Might Tip Over. I stared openmouthed at that one. I wish I was the kind of person who could have gone over to the propriator and told him off but I don’t like conflict and if he told me that I was offended by it because I am a heifer I might have come unglued.

I want to get a bunch of stickers made up that say, “Why yes I do have an abnormally small penis! How did you guess?” Then I could put them on trucks that sport anti-women crap like that. Anyone who puts fake testicles on their truck gets one too.

I followed a beat up car the other day with a sticker that said, “God Bless America. If you don’t like our ways, get out!” I spent an entertaining few miles listing all the problems with that. For example, that means that no dissent is allowed ever. What if America decided that you couldn’t have bumper stickers? They would have to get out. Then I started a list of all the people who were obviously whiners and complainers about the American ways and who should have been thrown out – John Adams, Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglass, Martin Luther King Jr., any Supreme Court Justice who ever voted to overturn a bad law, the list goes on and on.

I suppose no one really wants me to run up to their window at a red light and point out the logical fallacies of their bumper stickers but a girl can dream, right?