Things I Know

/ posted in: General

1.  It isn’t fun to travel alone when it means that you can’t go to the bathroom or get something to eat because you would have to give up your PRIME seat in the airport.

2.  I have this prime seat because I had a five hour layover in Atlanta which has gradually turned into a seven hour one which no end in sight yet.

3.  One of the aftereffects of having electrodes wired to your head for 20 minutes is that you will be very tired the next day. Fall into your hotel bed at 2:30 in the afternoon and go unconscious tired.

4.  I voluntarily paid good money to have electrodes wired to my head by a human acupuncturist. I also let her push long-term needles into my ear without asking when/if I’m supposed to take them out.

5.  However when she looked at me and said, “You like sweet, yes?” and then I agreed and she said, “Could you, um, not?” I knew that the only appropriate response was, “Get away from me, evil Voodoo witch!”

6.  Not that I said it. That would be wrong because she was Chinese so the Voodoo reference was off and I’m not sure if she helps out with the final exam.

7.  If this goes on much longer I’m going to have to go to the bathroom and give up the seat. I’m about to start humming “I Will Survive.”