Sometimes I think I should stay in touch with the ex just to remember why he is going to be the ex. We need to meet this weekend to work out some details. He called this morning and said that he couldn’t meet today but could do it tomorrow. He said to call him later when he would know what time he could meet and we could make arrangements. So I called him back a few minutes ago as directed.
Now I probably wasn’t in the best emotional head space to call him. I was getting a bit emotional and when that happens my brain starts thinking that I should talk to him because he understands. I know that is stupid. But my brain does stupid things sometimes.
So I call and the conversation is fine until he asks how the dog is. I know he loves her and probably misses her more than he misses me. He just sounded so sad that I started to cry. He freaked out on me. He said that he was trying to put all this emotional drama behind him and now here I was calling him just to upset him. He said that he couldn’t handle hearing me cry because it would make him cry and he didn’t want that. He was just starting to feel good and I’m trying to ruin it for him. I know that he had a hard week and that he’s emotionally drained and I’m messing with him. On and on about how hard I’m making everything for him. I told him early on in the conversation that it was just too bad if he couldn’t deal with me crying because I do that a lot. If we are going to deal with the situation it is going to involve tears. He didn’t like that comment.
I had no intention of making a scene but really. Again narcissistic asshole is the only term that comes to mind. I’m the one crying (because I felt bad for him even though he didn’t know that was the reason) and I’m getting chewed out for being manipulative or something.
I’m going back to my mantra of “I deserve to be loved in the way which I want to be loved.” I don’t need a guy who bitches me out for being sad.