“In the Kingdom of….”
Nothing makes me flip past a book faster than that phrase. I’m just not a high fantasy kind of reader. I can do it sometimes but not often. I just don’t care about fantasy politics in quasi-medieval realms.
No Royal anything come to think of it
I prefer my stories to be about common people. Even if we are in the real world, I don’t want to read about billionaires or the equivalent. I want to read about ordinary people.
Angst
I don’t care if you are conflicted about your feelings. Get over it and be effective. I don’t want to read (or worse, listen to) hundred of pages of waffling about “Should I or shouldn’t I?” UGH!!
Refuse to communicate
I hate it when most all of the conflict in a story could be resolved if the people involved just sat down and had one conversation. (Yeah, I’m still salty about Harry Potter and Dumbledore.)
“I’m just trying to protect you”
Oh no, you didn’t just say that. That is always an excuse because you tried and failed to control someone. Slap yourself upside the head.
That’s right. Run fast, run far from that person. They’re toxic.
Don’t have grownups
Have you met teenagers? I like them but I’m not trusting them to save the world. I work with some and a lot of young 20-somethings. The amount of things they can’t do are vast and surprising to old people like me. We’re on our own if the world needs saving. (Seriously, I had one tell me 2 weeks ago that she didn’t know how to take a bath because she only showered and I had to talk her through the process. This was a coworker, not one I should have a part in raising.)
Don’t be funny
I’m reading fantasy in part to be entertained and forget all the serious things in the world. I want it to be fun. Be snarky. Be sarcastic. Have some banter. Don’t take yourself so seriously that you are no fun whatsoever.
Describe your leading man’s attractiveness in the blurb
I am so skipping this book if anywhere in the description it starts talking about how “attractive”, “gorgeous”, or god forbid “hot” the male lead is. I don’t care. That isn’t a factor to me in evaluating the importance of a person in real life so why would I care about it in a book description? Give me a reason why you would care about this person other than appearance. If a male author said that the only reason his male character liked a female character is that she was attractive with no other traits readers would be howling for blood.
