I’m killing time until my flight at malls in Orlando. Since I wasn’t planning on buying anything I decidd to amuse myself with trying on the most inappropriate clothes I could find.

The first thing I picked was a grey bubble skirt that was entirely too short. It fit a little funny when I put it on. Then I realized that it wasn’t really a short skirt. It was an obscene dress! Moving on.

All of these clothes are made for funny looking people. They all fit me perfectly over my hips and stomach (Yay) but wouldn’t close over my chest. I tried to attribute this to being well endowed but I realized that even if I was flat they wouldn’t close. What kind of woman has big hips and no rib cages? Are these made for aliens?

Bubble gown

What is the point of bubble skirts? This thing added 50% to my width. Who wants that?

My oscar gown

I’d like to thank the Academy….


I always liked prom dress shopping. That was the best part of the prom experience. Best part of getting married too now that I think about it.

I did find two Ralph Lauren dresses at Bloomingdales that shocked me by looking wonderful on me. They also cost less than my car payment which the pictured dresses did not. I didn’t buy them though because I never go anywhere where they would be appropriate attire. I mean, I’m the kind of person who wears a t shirt and yoga pants to go try on ball gowns.