I’m amazing!

/ posted in: General

I’m starting to think that my deadbeat contractor (D.C.) has no experience with women other than the type who sit on the couch eating bon-bons. No matter what I do I seem to cause amazement in him.

This first showed up because of water buckets. We were all in the barn and I filled up two five gallon buckets and carried them back to the stalls. The contractor started yelling at the husband for making me carry buckets. The husband glanced at me and stated calmly that I was much better at it than he was. This put the thought in the D.C.’s mind that I am some type of super-strong Amazon type.

I accidently reinforced this once by going out and picking up a water bucket from the pasture and carrying it back to the barn. He was driving out the driveway at the time and came to a screeching halt, jumped out of the truck, and offered to carry it for me. He seemed sort of panicked like I was going to do myself irrepairable harm. I said no because the bucket happened to be totally empty and therefore not a difficulty at all. Better not to let him know that so I could maintain my air of mystique.

Then there was the time that I helped move all the red oak planks from the arena to the main part of the barn.

But Friday a big storm was coming. All the horses were out. They had only been out for an hour so they had no interest in coming inside. I would have left them out but there was lightning involved and I don’t like them outside in that. I caught Spirit and Rosie fairly easily just as it started to sprinkle. But Prize wasn’t letting me anywhere near her. By this time it is a downpour. The wind is whipping and then the hail started. She was running from me and I almost left her but figured I’d feel super guilty if she got hit by lightning. D.C. was in the arena because he opened the doors for a local farmer who was passing through on a tractor so he could get inside. D.C. was also totally freaking out because I was out in the rain. Like I’m going to melt or something. I finally caught Prize and got her inside. I was totally soaked. I was wearing sweats and they were so water-logged that I had to hold on to them to keep them up. D.C. just stared at me for a while and then went off to call my husband.

That night the husband reported that D.C. had called him to report that I had been out in the rain and how totally amazing it was. Personally, I think it was stupid. So does the husband. But D.C. can’t seem to get over it.

Yesterday, I was going outside and he said to the husband, “When I think of your woman out catching that horse in the rain I am just totally amazed.”

To which I replied, “Why? Because you can’t believe I’m stupid enough to be half-drowned over a horse with no sense in her head at times?” Read that to mean – “WTF? YOUR WOMAN? Don’t even be referring to me as YOUR WOMAN again or I will have to kick your ass.” On second thought a whupping would probably just totally cement the idea of my powers in his mind forever.