I like good infomericals. Not the ones for cheap little gadgets or weight loss pills. I like the get rich quick ones and some of the cosmetics ones. This morning the animals woke me up early so I decided to see what was on.

I like the infomericals by Dr. Lorraine Day. These ones are fake talk shows that are interviewing her about how she beat cancer. She has a 10 step program to cure diseases. I don’t know what all 10 steps are because I haven’t bought the program but I know that some steps are a vegan diet, proper sleep at night, drinking lots of water, and getting lots of sunlight. For the rest you have to buy the tapes.

Right after that I was stunned by an infomerical for Miracle Spring Water. This is water that has been somehow blessed and will cure all that ails you and make you rich at the same time. To this guy’s credit he was giving it away free but that’s about the only nice thing I can say. He explained where the money that you are going to get comes from by displaying a graphic that said that God is taking money away from the sinners and giving it to the just. You can email this guy and tell him what you need and he’ll pray for you. Then he emails you back and tells you when to expect your money. I want to email him and ask if that makes him a psychic. I know just the word psychic makes television preachers insane. Part of me wants to email him and ask for enough money to finish the house and barn (with a real contractor) and to pay for the adoption. Why not? He promised me on TV that it would work so it must be true, right? I wonder if Jesus gives him the wrong date does he compensate me from his own pocket?