I finished The Family Heart by Robb Forman Dew. It is the story of her and her family’s reaction to her oldest son coming out as a gay man.
I have to give her points for writing all the horrible things about herself. She comes across as totally clueless and mean towards her son. She implies at one point that he is a pedophile for example.
Maybe I’m stupid but I just don’t understand why it would be such a big deal. She kept talking about mourning for the life she expected him to have. I’m not a parent so maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about but I don’t understand why so many parents make a set plan for their kids to try to live up to. I work with a lot of 4-Hers and I see so many parents either trying to live vicariously through their kids or seeing their kids as an absolute reflection of them. They can’t see them as separate people with their own likes and desires. I’ll be coaching kids and parents are jumping all over them if they make the most trivial mistake. It is really sad. I’ve seen several kids whose enthusiasm for an event is snuffed out by parents demanding that they be perfect the first time they try.
I believe that living vicariously through your children, and trying to be a mentor for them, are mutually exclusive and a recipe for disaster. It leads to the setting of unrealistic goals for the child, and ultimate failure as a parent. On the other hand, I could be wrong. 😉