“Let the joyous news be spread! The wicked old witch at last is dead!” -Glinda the good witch
SHE’S GONE!!!!!!!!!! Two and a half years after asking if she could stay with us for three weeks until she could find an apartment the evil mother-in-law left this morning for North Carolina never to return!!!!!!!!
The husband called me at work at 6:00 Thursday night. There was much rejoicing. Lots of jumping up and down and squealing. Hand fluttering too. I haven’t posted about it because I wasn’t going to believe it until I saw her leave with my own eyes. But whenever it would cross my mind I would have urges to jump up and down and sing “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.” Since yesterday I worked at a clinic I’ve never been to I had to supress these urges lest the staff think I was unhinged.
As estatic as I am I don’t have anything on the husband. He’s positively giddy. He has to drive down there too to haul all her stuff. (This means I couldn’t go to my show I was looking forward to today. This really did upset me. The husband kept telling me to think about my priorities.)
If he wasn’t ready to kill her before the last few days would have put the idea squarely in his mind. Last night for example there was a nice fight over a remote. We were using her TV in our bedroom because she took ours to the nursing home where her mother lived. When we undid the TV and gave it back to her she wanted the remote. We explained that we use the remote that came with the satellite. Unacceptable answer. Apparently we were stealing her remote and she didn’t know why we wouldn’t give it back. Trying to use the example of, “You know when you get cable and they come and put the box in they give you a remote?” backfired because never in the history of the universe had her cable ever come with a box or remote!! “But, Mom, remember when we lived at” some house “we had that box. I know because once I..” That got cut off before I heard what dastardly thing my juvenile deliquent husband did with the cable box by his mother screeching that she had never, never, ever, ever had a cable box when she gets cable. Repeat for half an hour.
The husband dragged me out of the bathtub to move that TV with him because he didn’t want to listen to her whine about it being heavy. It’s not really heavy but it has a sharp ridge on the bottom that hurts your hand. She was fluttering around us talking about how heavy it was. We said it wasn’t really heaviness that was the problem. She argued with us over that too.
Then they were having a hard time getting all her stuff in the two vehicles. This was made worse by her refusal to put anything on the front seat because she had her mother’s ashes riding shotgun. This morning she would have bags that she couldn’t find a place for so she would throw them on the roof of her cat and order the husband nastily to find a place for it. I would have put it on the front seat. Her mother wouldn’t mind. If the evil mother-in-law didn’t like it she could find her own #[email protected]# place to put it. She also wouldn’t put anything in the back window.
Then it came time to catch her cat. I would have picked up the cat. She tried to call the cat who knew something was up so she ran. Evil MIL then ordered the husband to go get the cat because she went UP THE STAIRS! God forbid she walk up the stairs. His cell rang right then preventing him from murdering her so instead of going up the stairs she lured the cat with tuna. The cat ate the tuna and ran. The evil MIL ordered the husband to catch the cat because, “She’s RUNNING!!!!” The husband caught her with one hand while talking on the phone.
“This is a Day of Independence for all the Munchkins and their descendants!” – the mayor of Munchkinland
When I saw them driving down the driveway I started my cleansing ritual. I lit the biggest candle I could find. (One of Evil MIL’s first acts when she came her was to take all my candles in the house and dump them on my bed. She declared I couldn’t have them because they aggrevated her asthma. She really shouldn’t have given us ideas like that.) I carried the candle around the house and played “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead” full blast. There was much singing and dancing. The dog and my cat (who had been banned from all the house but the bedroom because the MIL’s cat doesn’t like other cats) joined in. The bird screeched along happily because he likes a good ruckus. I must admit that I downloaded “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead” last night just for the occasion. I’m sure that is Malice Aforethought.
“Ding Dong, the witch is dead! Which ol’ witch? The Wicked Witch.
Ding Dong, the Wicked Witch is dead!”
Wake up you sleepyhead. Rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Ding Dong, the Wicked Witch is dead!
She’s gone where the goblins go – below, below, below
Yo Ho! Let’s open up and sing and ring the bells ’cause
Ding Dong, the merry ho! Sing it high. Sing it low.
Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead!!!!”