No babies!

/ posted in: Family

Today is a super happy day for me! It is the culmination of a lifetime of desire.

I am officially sterilized!

Ever since I heard as a kid that you could get surgically sterilized I’ve been fantasizing about it. When I was going to go on Jeopardy I was wondering what I would do with any money I won. The thought flashed in my head – sterilization. I decided that if that was the one thing that popped into my brain then I should do it. I had an Essure procedure done on May 12. Small springs are implanted in the fallopian tubes. Eventually the tubes scar shut. It is a permanent sterilization procedure but can be done as an outpatient.

The idea of having springs in me entertained the people at work to no end. Of course other people may not work in a place where it is considered mandatory to bring in pictures from your medical procedures for general perusal and comment. My spring pictures led to a lot of singing:

“The wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is Tiggers are wonderful things.
Their tops are made of rubbers
The bottoms are made of springs.
They’re
Bouncy,
Flouncy,
Trouncy,
Pouncy,
Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!!!”

Vets are a strange bunch.

Anyway, I had my 3 month follow-up today. I was a bit worried because they said to take 800 mg of ibuprofen before I came in. I’m not a pain fan. I was scheduled to have dye injected into the uterus to make sure that nothing went into the fallopian tubes. If nothing can get in then no eggs can get out. It is the same test used to diagnose blockages in infertility workups. In fact I had to keep reassuring the radiology people that infertility=wonderful today.

There should be a law that male ob/gyns can not say that something is going to feel like a cramp. They don’t know what cramps feel like. Obviously they think they are much worse than I’ve ever had. He said that and then put a clamp on my cervix. Tears sprung up in my eyes but I didn’t cuss or hit or bite. Then I had to wait a few minutes for the radiologist. At that point my doctor announced, “Ok, this is going to get worse now.” Oh, thanks. He injected the dye to fill up my previously unmolested uterus. I bit my lip and dug my fingers into my shoulders. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! is all I have to say about that.

Once the test was over (and it was only a few minutes even if I might have to be mentally scarred for life – lol) the pain was over. There is no cramping or anything now.

I have one birth control pill left. I’m going to have to do something ceremonial with it.