Trolling through Facebook

/ posted in: General

As a non-breeder, I still instinctively find it weird that people who I went to school with have children.  I have to do the math every time when someone around my age has grandchildren.  (Yes, it is possible.)

So this morning I was surprised to see a woman who is my age asking for all the offspring of her siblings to give her a list of their children’s birthdays.  My brain – “So… that would mean that….. wait, her sisters are grandmothers?” I had trouble processing that. She had two older sisters but they weren’t decades older. In my brain Grandmas are in their 70s. Then I had another thought, “She doesn’t mean her younger sister, does she?”

There were some responses to this post. From the names I couldn’t figure out who was the offspring of what sibling. Then I saw a post listing the names of 5 children under the age of 7. I assume they were names. It rather looked like someone had taken all the high values letters from Scrabble and mixed them in a bag and pulled them out randomly. There were many apostrophes and not nearly enough vowels. If you follow the rules of English grammar, there is no way to pronounce these names. It looks like maybe someone tried to Africanize Welsh landmark names.

I was intrigued. My friend had a child not long after we left school. I had lost touch with her but one day her mother called my mother. (Small town, you know.) I answered the phone so her mother spent a few minutes catching up with me and then said that my friend was doing fine and had just had (whispering now) “a brown baby.” If these were the names of the new great-grandchildren, I wondered how my friend’s mother was holding up.

I clicked on the Facebook page of the person with the crazily named kids. It was an education. The first thing I saw was that I could read it all because she was leaving it public “so tht hoe can cheks up on me.”

My thoughts:

1. Holy cow, this person reproduced – a lot.
2. I hope she isn’t helping them with their homework.
3. No wonder the names are spelled weird.
4. 5 kids under the age of 7 and you aren’t married – pot calling the kettle black when referring to someone as a ho?

As I read on I learned that a few days ago she was wondering where her “niggas waz at.” According to her picture she is a pasty faced white girl. I don’t think she has “niggas”. That may be why no one answered. On another night she was wondering why no one else was out. Sugarplum, you have 5 small children. Why are you out?

I also got the impression that the man she refers to as bd (baby daddy, I assume?) is someone that she loves very much (I cleaned that way up for a family blog post) but he is not faithful to her. Why she is still making babies with this man is unclear. She appear to feel that the fault lies with the other women for his cheating.

I was impressed by the picture of her stomach. My abs aren’t that good and I haven’t had 5 kids. If I was a mean person I’d say that I got the ability to spell and form coherent sentences instead.

Ah Facebook is a beautiful thing. Before you could hide the crazy relatives and now they are out in the open for all to see!