Things I heard on a Labor Day visit to the parents:
My father hates animals. We were all out on Sunday and he got home first. When I got home I let Freckles go out to go to the bathroom.
Dad: “I let him (sic) out when I got home.”
Me: “What a good grandpa.”
Dad: “Yeah, but he found his way back anyway.”
A little later..
Dad: “You know, I was worried about that. What if I did let him out and couldn’t get him to come back? No one would ever believe that it was an actual accident so I put a leash on him to go out.”
There is a strip club near my parents’. That makes no sense because they live in a rural area. It is the last place anyone would go looking for a strip club but it has proven to be very popular. It is a strange place. There are buses partially buried in the yard and planes that look like they have crashed into the buildings.
The husband, Z, and I were driving past.
Z: “Is that a museum?”
Me: “A museum?”
Z: “Yeah, there are planes to look at and a big parking lot.”
Husband: “It’s not a museum.”
Z: “What is it?”
Husband: “It is a place where women take their clothes off and men give them money.”
Z: “No, seriously Dad. What is it?”
We were having dinner with the parents and my brother’s family. Z was prattling on in her obliviously self-centered way.
Husband: “Why don’t you try using a sentence that doesn’t start with the word “I”?”
Z: “Well, I went to….” rest drowned out by laughter from the group that she didn’t understand.
Z: “I’m thinking that I should just get pregnant now and get it over with. I don’t like pain. I know you have to get a shot to get pregnant.”
Me: “What you have to do is find someone who wants to have a baby with you first.”
Z: “Ok. Now what?”
Me: “Did you meet someone and get married in the back seat in the last 10 seconds?”
Sex ed opportunity missed. I actually thought she was thinking that everyone had IVF or hormones to get pregnant. It took me a bit to realize that she thought you got pregnant by getting medicine injected at the doctor’s office. At her age I thought that God came and asked women every so often if they wanted to be pregnant and you could say yes at that point or wait until the next time he came around.