Would you believe that I didn’t watch ANY election coverage this week? I tend to be a bit of a political junkie, especially on Twitter. I early voted and then watched and waited. I talked about what I did on election night 2016. Specifically I talked about New York Times writer Nick Kristoff saying Trump was going to win and how I had to mute him for my sanity. He responded and told me he’d try to tell me a better story this year.

We took a half day off on Tuesday so everyone was able to go vote. There was no point in watching election coverage in the afternoon since nothing would be known. At 7 PM when the first polls closed I just — couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to look. Even thinking about it made me panic. I knew the projections. I knew that early returns would be pro-Trump because the mail in ballots would be counted last. I couldn’t watch.

I peeked and saw Indiana called for Trump and felt myself starting to hyperventilate. I closed my iPad. We watched Virgin River on Netflix and then I went to bed.

I got up at 2:30 AM to go to the bathroom. I opened Twitter. I saw my timeline melting down. Trump was live declaring that votes should stop being counted. I shut it off immediately. I went back to bed.

My boss doesn’t come in on Wednesdays and he’s the person I talk politics with. None of it was brought up. I couldn’t look. I was starting to miss my Twitter feed. I checked CNN’s homepage once every 12 hours. Every time induced a panic attack.

By Thursday my poor husband was getting repeated phone calls from his Trumper relatives blaming him for the downfall of their Lord and Savior. (We’re in Ohio. Our Biden votes didn’t count.) On the other hand he had me wailing, “I just don’t see it. I don’t see any way Biden can win.” In my defense CNN had graphics showing Trump ahead in all the key unreported states at that time. I don’t trust Pennsylvania. I’m a native Pennsylvanian. I’d been there recently to visit my parents. It was a forest of Trump signs. My mom has been complaining about all the Trumpers on her Facebook feed. I don’t trust Pennsylvania.

I did send this tweet to her. I told her they got a song. They are in Erie County PA.

Friday morning looked more hopeful on the CNN webpage but I wouldn’t let myself believe it yet. My boss was back and watching coverage but it wasn’t inducing panic attacks anymore.

Saturday he was waiting for me outside an exam room to high five when it was called. I was finally able to go back on Twitter for more than a quick glance. I missed them. Twitter is at it’s best at these moments when the whole timeline goes happy happy.

I can breathe again.

My mother already made plans. Thanksgiving will be here. She used the excuse that it is also my birthday and so she should come here. She’s avoiding an invitation to a rabid Trumper’s house. Actually these people have shunned my parents after every Democratic win of the last decade so her Thanksgiving invite might have been rescinded anyway. She told me that I was invited there but I flat out said no because it would have been terrible no matter the outcome of the election was. Honestly, now I could have just sat there and smiled and gave thanks for PA going towards to light but they probably would poison my food.