Whenever I do any type of energy work I can feel a strong blockage in my chest. This corresponds to my personality. I’m really good at feeling negative emotions but tend to actively stifle positive ones. So I can easily be mad but can feel my body fighting down joy. I’ve always been like this. It is hard for me to discuss my feelings.
I had decided to do Circle Within‘s opening to the God and Goddess. Basically you imagine a flower blossoming in your chest while you pray for realization of the divine around and within you. Repeat daily and see what happens. It was hard for me to get the flower to blossom because I felt like the flower was trying to push open against a thick liquid.
So I got online and looked up some chakra clearing meditations. I found one that involved imagining a light filling your body from toes to head like a liquid fills a bottle. When the liquid reaches each of the chakra areas imagine the liquid flowing into a ball and causing it to start spinning. Leave that ball when it is spinning and sparkling and work your way up. (I can’t give the exact link right now because I’m not on my computer where I have it saved. Let me know if you want it.) Edited: Essential Chakra Cleansing Meditation
I did the root and navel chakras with no problem but when I visualized a ball in the heart chakra is was tiny and shriveled. That surprised me for some reason. When I started filling it with light it expandeda nd expanded and my posture and breathing changed. Very cool. I worked the rest of the way up my body.
Well, be careful what you wish for. The night I did that for the first time I started a huge fight/discussion with the husband. It was more discussion than fight. I was able to verbalize my feelings about things more freely than usual. It was still very hard for me to openly say things that bothered me that might cause conflict. But I didn’t have to psych myself up to talk. It just sort of flowed out. The husband pointed out that it bothered him that I don’t express more positive emotions. He had no idea that I had been working on just this problem that day and that it probably was the cause of the discussion he found himself in. I’m going to keep doing these meditations and see where it leads. It is sort of scary because I don’t really want to let go of my familiar patterns of behavior.