Female praying mantises bite the head off their mate after they are done with them. I always thought that was a bit harsh but at least they don’t have conversations like this.

A few nights ago I was laying in bed and wanted to talk to the husband. But I was lazy and didn’t want to get up. So I called his cell phone but he had it turned off. Then I used the remote to hit the wall between the bedroom where I was and the room where he was. No response to repeated banging. Finally I got up and went into the other room.

Me: What if I was bleeding to death? What if the cat had ripped out my throat and that was the only way I had to communicate my distress call?
Him: (laughing) I guess you would have died.

Then after 10 minutes of unrelated conversation he says, “I was thinking, if the cat did rip out your throat she probably had a good reason.”
Me: What?
Him: Well, it’s not something she’d normally do, you know. So you must have provoked her.

Thanks for your concern sweetie. And quit fantasizing about the cat ripping out my throat.

Another time I was extolling the virtues of my new makeup. I have been developing really big baggy dark circles under my eyes. They make me look like I had my nose broken in a bar fight while on a six month bender. I decided to do something about it and headed to the medicated part of the cosmetic aisle. I found some cream that was supposed to lighten them and it is actually working. I tell him this because I’m happy and then add, “I took a moment in the grocery store aisle to come to terms with having to buy the age-repairing makeup but if it all works this well I’m going to go get some of the “fine lines and wrinkles” stuff next.”

He stared at me a moment and then said, “Yeah, you are looking a little rough.” He had the sense to duck as he said it though.

Ok, I consider that full deserved payback for me telling him that he had pores after I got my glasses.

But I understand the female mantis’ point of view.

3 Replies to “Conversations with the husband”

  1. Also, how did you go from Christianity to Pagan and how does it work w/a still Christian husband?

    That’s a longer story. I’ll have to write a post about that.

  2. The evil MIL is gone and that’s the last I heard about it. That’s good enough for me! I think she talks to the husband sometimes. You know, I’ve almost forgotten about it all. It seems so long ago but it has only been a few months.

  3. LOL, men. Clueless!

    I do the same thing with my dbf. I’ll be in bed yelling for him in the next room (computer room), no answer. Bang on the wall, no answer. Finally get up, go in there, and he says “Oh, did you want something?” No, just yell and bang on walls for fun, buddy!

    BTW, love your blog. It’s like an internet drama for me. What’s going on w/evil mil these days? Also, how did you go from Christianity to Pagan and how does it work w/a still Christian husband?

    Well, I’ll keep reading, and try not to follow the female mantis’ example…..I know it’s hard!

What Do You Think?