Step 1: Announce that you are having a girl child that is due in the middle of December. This gives the quilter ample time to procrastinate. Quilters generally like that.
Step 2: Announce at the end of October that the child will be coming early. Say that they will induce your wife in the third week of November. Because you are not a quilter you will not notice said quilter go a bit pale and start swearing under her breath.
Step 3: In mid-November, announce that your wife will be induced on next Tuesday. Say your last day in will be Monday. Since the quilter has gone into work mode with a projected due date now in mid-November she will calculate and know that she can get that quilt done for Monday. No problems.
Step 4: Text to let us know that your wife went into labor early on Saturday. You won’t be in next week at all. This is a problem because quilters are motivated by deadlines. Now the quilter can’t tell if she missed the deadline or if you just gave her another week.
Step 5: Quilter forces herself to finish quilt for this Monday anyway so she won’t be frantically trying to finish it next Sunday night. This is unusual behavior that she is proud of.
Step 6: It is the first snowfall of the year. Quilt flat out refuses to dry in the dryer anyway so quilter puts it in the snow for a nice picture. Quilter shows the picture at work.
Other coworker – “What is that?”
Quilter – “A baby quilt”
Other coworker – “Oh, I thought it might be a grill cover.”