Last Saturday morning I found a mass in my left breast. This came as a bit of a shock since I’m sure that it hadn’t been there the day before. It was quite large and unmistakable. I immediately go into clinical mode on these things – “Rapid onset of a large mass, slightly sore, I’m 35 with no family history of breast cancer so either it is nothing or I’m going to be dead in a week.” Unbelievably that kind of self talk relaxes me.
My next decision was whether or not to tell the SO (I’ve decided for lack of a more original name at this time to call him the SO for significant other – this may change). He has had cancer himself and his mom died of cancer two years ago. He did not take this calmly. He did show an admirable amount of understanding about me though by making me solemnly swear to play nice with the human doctors and do everything they say. (This was the day before I spent quality time with him in the hospital where he declined to play nice with the human doctors.)
The next challenge was getting someone to see me. On Monday I started trying to get an appointment. My ob/gyn just had a baby – something you’d think she should know how to prevent- and her office couldn’t get me in with another doctor until 4/22. For a breast mass they wait three weeks? I don’t wait more than one day for a new mass on a dog. (Repeat after me. Play nice with the human doctors. Play nice with the human doctors….) My family doctor could see me today.
Here’s where I made a huge error of judgment. I stayed at the SO’s house last night. The appointment was early morning so I decided to leave Snowball there, go to the appointment, and then pick up Snowball, and go home to feed the horses. The mass was down to about a 1/4 of the size it was 6 days ago so I figured it was nothing. The doctor agreed it was probably nothing but wanted an ultrasound and mammogram. She wanted to schedule it for Monday but I’m out of town. She wanted me to reschedule my trip but I can’t. Well, if I thought I was dying I probably could have but there are limits to how much I’m willing to play nice. She called the ultrasound place and got me in right away. So at noon I’m in another office having an ultrasound. What am I thinking about? Oh my god, Spirit is going to kill me!
After the ultrasound the tech took the images to the radiologist to see if he wanted a mammogram right away or if the one scheduled for next week would be ok. He said that next week was fine so I’m assuming that the mass isn’t too scary-looking.
I ran back and picked up a very angry dog and headed home. I called the SO to try to calm him down. Then I faced the beast. It was 1:00 PM. Sometimes the only thing you can do when you come face to face with a screaming, kicking ball of fury is yell “I’m sorry!” over the ruckus, open the stall door, and get the hell out of the way.
Now I’m waiting for a repairman to come see my refrigerator which died over the weekend. I need to know if it can be revived or if I need to get a new one. I also called my barn builder to get him to come out and fix the large barn door that fell off the overhead track. Everything is just wearing out around here!