The new toy was found online so we had to take a road trip to go get it. It was 2.5 hours away. Friday night I told the SO that I was taking a book so when we got there I’d have something to do while he looked at the car. I know nothing about cars except that when they are being well-behaved they go where you want them to. He loves cars and is horribly offended when I talk about machines being well-behaved or not. Or tired and needing a rest. For some reason that makes him crazy too.

Him: No, I need you to be another set of eyes. It will be on a lift when we get there so we can check the underside. Tell me if you see anything wrong.

Hysterical laughter follows. When I’m able to speak again I say, “I can count the tires for you to see if there are four.” I get a look that says that I am Not Taking This Seriously. He says that he’s been teaching me about cars and I know things now. Unfortunately, I haven’t noticed that I’ve been taught anything.

We get up there and have to use the restroom. On the way there my purse smacks a car. Hard. I’m glad the alarm doesn’t go off or something. Later I realize that the car is listed for $132,000. I start maintaining my distance.

We go inspect the car on the lift. He peer into crannies. When he surfaces and asks what I think I reply, “Yep, four tires.” I get a Look again.

We go for a test drive. It is a tiny car. My butt fits in the seat fine but if I don’t keep my hands solidly in my lap he can’t shift. It is quieter than my car. I observed these things in the first mile. So I made a phone call I had to make since my test drive was over. When I was done he said, “You aren’t having fun, are you?” Again I explain that it is a car. It goes. I’m satisfied and at the end of my comprehension.

Back at the dealership I was looking at another car because I was bored. The dealer offered to sell it to me. I explained that at $70,000 used car was totally wasted on me. That was polite. I didn’t use the word rip-off. He explained that you learn the difference and illustrated with a story about teaching his daughter to drive in a Porsche. I asked if she was ruined for life now. He said yes.

When we were alone the SO asked me if I’d pay $114,000 for a particular new car. I asked if he thought I’d spend that on anything. “A house?” he asked. I allowed that it might happen but I’d be cranky about it.

Finally it was time to go home. I drove my little Honda. There was a detour. I lost him. He called me halfway home to figure out a stopping place for lunch. I was 30 miles ahead of him. I petted the Honda. We met for lunch and then started out together again. I got home 20 minutes before him. Let it be known that the Honda totally smoked the Porsche. That may have something to do with the temperaments of the drivers.

At lunch I told him that I got souvenirs from the dealership. They had a coffee station. They had a Keurig coffee machine like we have. It makes single cups of coffee or tea using special little disposable containers of grounds. They had some flavors I hadn’t tried like hot chocolate and mango tea. So I collected a few. I would have collected more if I had a bigger purse. I figure if it was ok for me to drink them there then it was ok for me to drink them at home. That’s proof that I’m turning into one of those little old ladies who collects sugar packets in her purse and that you really can’t take me anywhere fancy and expect me to behave right.