Post visit stress?/ posted in: Family
I think the past few days stressed me out and I’m only just noticing.
My mother was here to help out again with making the house more sellable and to take me to the surgery appointment. Since she was just here a few weeks ago, I think we may have passed the magical maximum amount of time we can spend together without wanting to strangle each other.
Add to this the SO who started a new job on Monday so he couldn’t be with me at the surgery center (which he felt bad about). He’s bored out of his mind with two days of orientation to a facility that he’s been working in for 3 years (just not in his new position) and he’s grumpy because although we spend every night together normally I’m kicking him out because my mom is here. He understands and supports this in theory but the bitchier she got the more he was wondering why we were doing this.
By last night I was fantasizing about banging heads together and then going off and having a nap.
I think the SO symbolizes to my mom a lot of the aspects of my personality that she doesn’t approve of. Although he is Christian he openly talks about eastern philosophy and astrology and ghosts and a whole host of things that my mother doesn’t think proper. He also just openly talks. He’s in touch with his feelings. We don’t do feelings in my family. He was better than at the last visit. The problem came in when he thought that she was sort of criticizing my decision to have surgery and he felt the need to defend me. I need a pause button so I can stop the conversation and explain to him that she doesn’t approve of everything that I do and that’s ok with me. Just roll with it. It is sweet that you want to make her understand me. It isn’t going to happen. Let it go.
Then I needed to smack her because I had a friend over for sewing day. She asked Mom if she had met the SO and then wanted to know details. My mother’s first statement? “I guess she’s just the kind of person who can’t be without a man.” Hello? I’m sitting right here! My mom doesn’t do change well. I know this. She’s trying and that’s good. I realize this is happening fast. It is still sort of freaking me out so I can’t imagine what it is doing to her. But really. That’s not exactly accurate given my total life history.
Then after that guess what good qualities she came up with? He puts his dishes in the dishwasher after meals. Yep, that was the lead quality. Followed by he helps cook, he will help with yard work, and finally, he’s devoted to his daughter. Way to come up with a good one at the end Mom.
She did ask me in a discussion of what I’m keeping and what I’m giving to Goodwill if I was planning on getting an apartment or if I was just going to move in with him. I answered that I was planning on moving in with him. I think I added the cop-out that it was cheaper. When I reported this development to him he asked, “Were you just coming out of anesthesia? Did she take advantage of you when you were high?” Maybe he is realizing how my mother works but I was awake at the time. LOL.
I knew all this was happening at the time but I only really felt stressed today. Maybe it is just all sinking in now. I need a soak in a hot bath, some popcorn (my ultimate comfort food), and the finale of America’s Next Top Model!