Public Enemy Number 1/ posted in: General
Age: 3 Weight: 12 lbs
For Felonious Assault
Age: 17 Weight: 6 lbs
Let it be known that three days ago the accused did walk up to the victim and snack her upside the head twice in rapid succession thereby knocking her to the ground. When the victim got up and growled at him the accused did repeat his action before being bodily separated from her.
Then yesterday while the victim was going out the door the accused ran full speed and dove under the victim’s stomach. He then stood up and lifted her off her feet. He then threw her off the top step and into the flower bed. She hit a rose bush on the way down thus slowing her fall to the ground but still landed hard on her back. This caused this eyewitness to start yelling words that can not be repeated in this context because she presumed that throwing old ladies off of steps will lead to grievous bodily harm. However said old lady seems indestructible and after being set right side up and having leaves picked out of her coat she seemed none the worse for her assault.
It is unknown at this time if these attacks are part of a master plan against Snowball or just the accused having a few bad days.