My cat Paul is a thief.
He likes to steal earplugs. He takes them off the nightstand and throws them on the ground. Then eventually Freckles eats them if I don’t find them first. We’ve taken to having to hide our earplugs in safe spaces to keep them from him. He’s a quick little bugger. If we don’t put them away immediately, he has them.
So, last Monday morning he was on the nightstand looking for earplugs. I heard a clunk which I recognized as the sound of my fitbit hitting the floor. He took that once before and put 27 steps on it before getting bored. It was early and I didn’t want to get up yet so I ignored him. When I did get up, I couldn’t find the fitbit anywhere. I had been having a pretty stressful week and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I had a bit of a breakdown that ended with me in the bathroom with Freckles nearby but not making eye contact and Paul sitting at my side petting my leg with his paw like he was worried that I was broken.
Monday night – still can’t find it. Starting to wonder if just maybe Freckles got confused in the dark and ate it before she realized that it wasn’t an earplug. Check computer but it hasn’t updated fitbit.com.
Tuesday – can’t find it. When I come home, Freckles has vomited and seems a bit subdued.
Wednesday – Freckles doesn’t want to go for her morning walk. Get texts at work that husband has come home to lots of vomit and a very lethargic dog. Tell him to bring her to work. Run bloodwork which is fine. I don’t have an xray machine so I run her to an emergency clinic after work to look for my fitbit. She is the only dog there at the time and is having a blast. Everything is about her – as it should be. Xrays show no fitbit. Sorry I suspected you of nefarious dealings, Freckles. So now I’m out lots of money, still don’t have a fitbit, and I have a sick dog. However, her adventures in medicine seem to make her feel much better and she recovers.
Thursday – Freckles feels better. Paul decides the game is over and brings out the fitbit and leaves it in the middle of the living room floor. It has 172 steps on it for Thursday but none for the other missing days.
Friday – Ok, back on track. I have a three day weekend. Gonna get a lot done.
Saturday – And I’m dead. It started at 3 AM. I’ll spare you the gory details but eventually I had a 102.1 fever, which I have to work hard to remind myself isn’t normal in humans. Wiped out for the rest of the weekend. I didn’t eat or drink anything for days. That usually means I’ve gained weight by some mystical process invented by malicious gods.
And that’s why I don’t have a Reader’s Workout post for the week.