Guest post by Snowball to all dogs

If your people have the nerve to go wandering off and don’t return for a week, here’s how you deal with the situation.

1. Pee. That’s most important. When they open the door to come in, run out and pee first. That will get that out of the way so you can concentrate on punishment. Peeing in the house is tempting but will only get you in trouble.

2. Pretend you don’t know who they are. It helps if you are really old and in fact might not remember them. Gradually let it dawn on you that your food-givers and door-openers have returned.

3. Once you remember who these people are, bark at them. After all they left you all alone with a cat or two. Sure, they arranged for substitute food-givers but there was not an on-demand door opener. Bark your little toy dog heart out. Don’t give in if they cuddle you. They aren’t out of trouble yet.

4. Allow them to pet you to make up for the trouble they caused. You may have to share this time with the cat who is fawning over them but make do.

5. Get them back on schedule. Bark at 6:00 AM the next morning to go outside. This is most effective if your people came back late at night. It is not your fault that they’ve become accustomed to lazing around.