I Feel Safe

/ posted in: FamilyPets

I was minding my own business in my own bed when there was suddenly a very loud BANG that sounded like the french doors in the living room being kicked open. Luckily, I sleep with a dog and a man trained for combat. The dog was on high alert. In her case this meant that she had decided that there was badness in the living room so she was staying in bed where it was safe. The man… was snoring.

A second quieter bang sounded and now the bird was upset. I elbowed the man. I elbowed him repeatedly until he woke up. By this time we could have been killed in our beds. He was testy about being woken up. I explained about big bad noises. Twice. Since I am not prone to imaginings of this nature and he is a crazily paranoid vetern I expected immediate action. Instead he stared at me. I pushed him out of bed.

The bird was still agitated in the living room. He went to investigate and found nothing. The dog and I went out to check once he wasn’t murdered. There was nothing around but Riley who provably was involved but isn’t talking to me since I captured his lightly stunned mouse that he brought in the house a few hours ago. I asked Jules what happened. I swear I’d know so much more if she would lower herself to speak human language. But she had relaxed so I know nothing.

Meanwhile the man had gone back to bed muttering about what was wrong with women these days waking men out of comas so they are properly in the mood to kill someone. Since there was no intruder I was lucky it wasn’t me was his point. I said fine. Next time I’ll investigate the ax murderer in the dining room myself and he can sleep through my dismemberment. Guess who will be the main suspect? Him! He said that a good ax murderer would finish me off and then come down the hall and kill him too so he wasn’t worried about it. Then he went unconscious again.