My dog is a genius

/ posted in: Pets

My dog speaks perfect English.  I knew that she understood what we say but today she did some mental calculations that sort of freaked me out.

She went to work with me on Friday.  At lunch we went to a park for a walk.  It wasn’t her P-A-R-K where she can run off lead and sometimes other dogs show up uninvited.  But, it seemed to satisfy her.  She spent the weekend at home because of nasty weather and lazy humans.  She didn’t get pouty until Sunday night.  The SO pointed this out.  I said I was a bad mom for not taking her so I would take her on Tuesday when I had the morning off barring bad weather.  She was listening.

On Monday she was fine.  This morning I woke up with her nose an inch from my face.  She was staring at me.  Then she said, “Oh good, you’re up!  Let’s go.”

I went to the bathroom.  She went downstairs.  This was weird.  I haven’t been in the bathroom alone in ages.  When I got downstairs she was on the couch trembling.  She was holding her excitement inside in case her human disappointed her. 

I put on my shoes.  She stood by the door and whined.  I could tell she was expecting the P-A-R-K but there was no good reason why except for the conversation on Sunday.  We don’t go to the park on Tuesdays.  I could be putting on my shoes to go get the recycling container off the curb.

Then I picked up a plastic bag.  She exploded.  All the barely controlled tension released in the excitement of the moment.  She barked and spun and ran around the house.  I worry about what it says about her self-esteem that she sees plastic grocery bags as evidence that she is loved. 

Dog logic – grocery bags = pick up poop= I’m going wherever they are = They love me!

How did she count to Tuesday?  I didn’t give her any clues since she was anticipating the trip before I woke up.  We’re going to have to watch what we say around her even more now.