What Not To Wear

/ posted in: Family

The husband had an idea. When Z comes to visit she lugs a suitcase around crammed full of clothes that she mostly never wears. He decided to give her mother $300 to buy her some clothes that can stay here to make it easier on everyone. It seemed like a good plan.

Z came here this weekend with her clothes.

  • Problem number 1 – She came with a receipt showing that they spent $165. There was no change provided.
  • Problem number 2 – Z likes obnoxious clothes.  She has absolutely no sense of what matches.  She thinks if both have some pink in them anywhere then they match.  Let me just show you a picture of a selection of her new clothes to show the problem.

P1010014

Seriously?  Nothing she brought matches at all.  She’s nine.  She didn’t drive herself to the store.  Did her mother think this was the makings of a wardrobe?  I think the sweater on the upper left is made of dead Muppet.  I’d burn it but I think it would make toxic fumes.  I would love to make quilt borders from the skirt on the bottom but there isn’t enough material.  There isn’t enough material to cover the kid’s butt either.

  • Problem number 3 – The kid is fat.  Poor food choices and a handful of anti-psychotic medications a day means she looks like she’s in her third trimester of pregnancy.  All the clothes she brought are skin tight.  They are all made of clingy material.  They all emphasize her belly.  I don’t want to give her a body image complex but there are better ways to dress yourself that are more flattering than skin tight leggings.  (Those are the ONLY type of pants that she owns besides a few shorts.)

This combination made the husband hit the roof.  He declared (not to her) that she looked like a whore working the corner outside the clown school.  We decided to redo the shopping to try to get acceptable clothes.  Her mother will not argue with her.  I don’t have that problem.

The rules were easy.  The clothes had match multiple things.  Each outfit can only contain 1 obnoxious piece of clothing.  Each outfit had to be more modest than she is accustomed to wearing.  Surprisingly she didn’t fight us.  I expected full on screaming temper tantrums but it didn’t happen.

P1010012

Pull on knee length shorts.  For Z they don’t have a zipper or snaps and they have neon details.  For us, they are slightly baggy and mostly a neutral color that can tame the most obnoxious tops.  I like the frog shirt.  Quirky and whimsical but it doesn’t hurt your eyes.

P1010013

We got come cute t-shirts that will go with the more neutral pants but can even mix and match with the louder pieces of her wardrobe.

We ended up with the black shorts, knee length khaki shorts, another pair of khaki shorts (the only time I will ever be looking for size 0- I don’t know what we’ll do come cold weather since junior sizes can fit around her waist but are about 6 inches too long.), a t-shirt dress, and several fun t-shirts.  How hard is that?

We were so excited watching her walk around yesterday in her black shorts, a t-shirt, and a hoodie (it was crazy cold).  She looked like a normal kid.  It was the weirdest thing for us.  The husband and I just kept staring at her behind her back but for once the rest of the world wasn’t staring at her inappropriate outfit.