Family

Done

I think my marriage is officially over. It is not what I wanted at all but he seems increasingly certain that the future that he envisions for himself does not include the things that are important to me – including any adopted children.

I did the thing that for me was a huge deal. I called my mom. I think she had a vague idea that things might not be 100% but she had no idea it had gone this far. She’s on her way here now for moral support. What surprised me was that she is hugely in favor of trying to continue the adoption by myself. My super Christian mom is advocating single parenthood? I guess you shouldn’t get between a woman and her first grandchild. LOL. I don’t know if that is even possible or wise at this point.

I don’t know what else to do. So far everything is as civil as can be expected. It needs to remain so because I’ve made all the financial mistakes that married women make even though at the time I knew better. But I believed that we were solid and breaking up was not going to happen to us.

I’m going to step back and just breathe for a bit and probably do a lot of crying on my mom.

17 Comments

  • Barbara

    I’m so sorry. No matter how bad things get in a marriage, it’s still in a sense like the death of a loved one when one ends, or even feels like it’s about to. Take care.

  • wen

    i’m so sorry to hear this. a few years back i went through the dissolution of a 10+ year relationship. it was difficult. but now, i’m off to hawaii in november with my current sweetie to get hitched (okay, so we’re both women, so it’s not legal, but still…it’s the thought that counts).

    remember, “this too shall pass”; until then i’ll send you good thoughts and some distance reiki (if you want it).

  • Neoskya

    I have been reading your blog for a while but have never left a comment. I read this entry though and I can feel your heart breaking. I am so sorry that you have to go through with this.

  • Michelle

    I have been reading your blog for a while but have never left a comment. I read this entry though and I can feel your heart breaking. I am so sorry that you have to go through with this.

  • Nio

    Like your other commenters, I am very sorry to hear of the dissolution of your marriage. If there is anything you need please don’t hesitate to ask. I am a phenomenal listener!

    xo,

    Nio

  • Kati

    Prayers that you do find peace with this, and I’m glad to hear that your mom is being supportive. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do. You have my support & best wishes, as distant as they may be.

  • Autumn

    Any time you leave a relationship it is hard, but staying and being unhappy is even harder. Life is to short to settle for less than you deserve. I am glad your mom is coming to be with you. Just take things one day at a time and ddon’t forget to breath. Time heals all wounds and Life does go on. I will ight a candle for you that the Goddess will rock you in her arms.

  • Lewis

    I like Jeanne’s “whatever path you choose to take, you will grow as a person.” Excellent advice. I’m also an advocate of not making any huge decisions while a person is emotionally high or low. But rather waiting until there is balance, objective, and peace. Trust in those around you whom you trust. And trust your own good judgment.

  • Jeanne

    Oh, Heather, I’m sorry to hear this, but maybe it’s for the best in the long run — hard to see that now, but maybe later. I do know how you are feeling, and I know that the dissolution of a marriage is an agonizing experience.

    It’s good that you were able to seek support from your Mom, despite the differences between you and her. This is a tough time to be alone. Redefining one’s existence can be daunting.

    Single parent adoption is an interesting possibility. Whatever life path you choose to take, you will grow as a person.

    Keeping you in my thoughts ~ Jeanne

  • Linda

    I am really sorry. I’ve been reading for a while about the issues and wondered how you kept from slugging him. (Yes, I realize that doesn’t help, but I had to say it anyway). I also wondered about the single parent adoption thing. Then I realized that I don’t know you & it was really none of my business. Regardless, I’m sending you lots of virtual support.

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