Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who responded to the last post! Your comments made me cry (in a good way.) The weekend went as well as can be expected. My mom was actually very good in playing the supportive role. She mainly tried to get me to eat and sleep – two things which I had not been doing at all. She also killed my sewing machine so I had to go borrow one to finish the quilt top. I’m blaming her because it died while she was using it although we can’t figure out the actual cause of death. But had it died while I was so crazy emotional and I was here by myself I probably would have come totally unglued.

I met with the husband tonight for the first time since he left. We have talked on the phone. I think it was a productive talk. The unsettling this about this situation is that we both freely admit that we love each other. If there was anger and bitterness it would be so much clearer. We are trying to decide if staying together is possible or entirely the wrong decision. We talked about a lot of things that we need to think about and decided to meet next week to discuss the issues again.

5 Replies to “Thanks”

  1. if you are both willing, perhaps go see a counselor together (NOT one either of you has seen individually–i’ve rarely seen that work out well), not necessarily with the idea of definitely getting back together or definitely breaking up but to see how the relationship can grow into whatever its next incarnation might be.

    i’ll send you a list of books i found helpful, if you’d like.

    take good care

  2. No anger or bitterness? Wow, that’s amazing in a relationship that doesn’t seem like it’s going to work out. Each one is so different, you know. It is, indeed, hard work….very hard….100%/100% from each person. None of this half-way 50% stuff. That always seems to leave someone feeling like the other one didn’t meet them halfway…andthat’s no fun. I’m sending a little dove of peace to you today.

  3. There is a wonderful book “Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes” by William Bridges that was HUGELY helpful to myself and several friends as our marriages were considered, ended, or recommitted…. It works very much on the idea that the relationship requires both parties to want it & to work at it — that it is hard work to make it happen, and that transitions/changes to that relationship are grief work. Well worth it. It didn’t necessarily help me figure out exactly where I was in grief, but it did validate my experiences and help me have some kind of roadmap/guide book to the terraine I found myself living in.

  4. still sending prayers that you find peace with whatever the outcome. And, if you & your husband are able to compromise, just take care not to compromise anything that you’ll regret or be bitter about later. (((((HUGS)))))

What Do You Think?