on June 25th 2014
Genres: Biography & Autobiography, Personal Memoirs
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Set in North Carolina and Libya
Fifteen years ago, Krista Bremer would not have been able to imagine her life today: married to a Libyan-born Muslim, raising two children with Arabic names in the American South. Nor could she have imagined the prejudice she would encounter or the profound ways her marriage would change her perception of the world.But on a running trail in North Carolina, she met Ismail.
This book defines jihad as:
An individual’s striving for spiritual and intellectual growth
This is the story of the author’s personal growth during the last 15 years. I’ve seen many reviews that complain that the story is all about her. That’s sort of the point. How has she adapted to a life that she never meant to have?
She was in journalism school when she met Ismail. An unintentional pregnancy early in their relationship accelerated their plans.
Ismail was entirely different than Krista. He was fifteen years older than her, an immigrant from a poor background in Libya, and a Muslim. She was a California girl from a middle class background with vaguely Buddhist tendencies. He gets crankier than she thinks he should during Ramadan and she can’t understand why he doesn’t understand Christmas. She is horrified that Ismail insists on haggling in the mall, especially when it was for her wedding ring**. Like all relationships, they need to find a way to blend together their differences to make their own unique life.
When their daughter is young and she is three months pregnant with their second child, they travel to Libya to meet his family. She has visions of adventure but is faced instead of the realities of life for a poor family under Gaddafi. She doesn’t speak Arabic so can’t understand the women who she with all day long. She hates the oppressiveness that the political situation has over the whole country and it makes her bitter about being there. She needs to work hard to find any beauty in the situation.
Back in North Carolina, the openness she thinks she has is challenged when her now preteen daughter decides to wear a hijab. How should she react when a new neighbor says that they love the neighborhood because of the diversity? All the neighbors are white so she doesn’t know what they mean until she realizes that they are referring to her family.
The writing in this book is lyric and vivid. She is very open about her own faults in the way that she approaches her relationship. This is a story that I think could be written about any marriage. Some of the complaints and insights seem familiar even if you come from the same culture.
**I feel her pain. The husband likes to negotiate. It is so embarrassing. I also was given an engagement ring with the following declaration of love – “I got you this. I got a really good deal on it.” This Christmas I got earrings with the price sticker peeled off but the 50% off sticker left on so I’d be proud. My husband and Ismail together would be a force to be reckoned with.