I started week three today. This is another repeat week. So far I haven’t missed any workouts, even if I probably should have. I’ve been sick off and on for most of the time I’ve been doing this (I still think the workout is trying to kill me).
One unexpected side effect is that I’m starting to like my body. I think what is happening is that I’m starting to see what is actually there instead of what I think is there.
I’ve always considered myself to be a hugely fat person. There are a couple of reasons for that.
1. I weigh a lot. By “a lot” I mean a freakishly large amount. If I tell people what I weigh it is always met with open mouthed stares and then accusations of lying. I have friends three to four dress sizes larger than me who weigh 50 lbs less than me. My mother is the same way. Her bones are off the chart on her bone density test. I think I have a black hole in the center of me. I have tough bones and a lot of muscle but if you just take my BMI, I come out as “obese.” Must be true then, right?
2. I wear clothes that say XL so I must be huge.
But for some reason lately I’ve been seeing things differently. It started with a picture from our vacation in Portugal. Usually I can’t stand photos of me since I see a huge blob. But in these I didn’t look big. Having that thought was wild for me. I’ve been told repeatedly that I have a warped picture of myself in my brain, but this was the first time that I was starting to think that that may be true.
Now I’m starting to notice when I’m at the gym working out surrounded by mirrors that I actually look pretty good. It surprises me everytime I have that thought. I’m not used to positive body image. I don’t quite know how to handle it. I can still go part by part and critique the flaws in my body but the overall package isn’t as bad as I always imagined it was.
And my arms? Seriously getting amazing. My biceps are hard. I find myself just touching them over and over because I can’t believe the difference in two weeks. I still have flabby underarms which I’m a bit scared might be genetic because I remember both my grandmothers with flappy arms even when they were thin. You still can’t quite see the muscle definition in a picture yet or believe me you’d all be forced to look at them. LOL.
My pants are starting to fit different. I’m not sure exactly what the difference is. It isn’t a good different like “I have to hold these up so they don’t fall down” but it isn’t a bad different like “These don’t button anymore” either. It is subtle like they are sitting at a new place on my waist. I think my lower abs area might be getting just the tiniest bit smaller. I really need to get some pictures so I can start comparing. I didn’t get before pictures so I should get some now pictures before any changes get really noticeable.