Sometimes I think that the more you try to divorce a person, the more they are tied to you in weird ways.

Tuesday my satellite company was scheduled to come out for some routine maintenance. I gave them my cell number when I made the appointment. They were scheduled to come out between eight and 12. I’ve pieced together the following story from two sources but I’ll tell it chronologically since it makes more sense.

At 8 AM the satellite company decides to call and say they are running late. For some reason the only number they have listed is the ex’s private business line. They call the office and one of his employees answers. They ask for me. Dead silence is followed by a tentative, “We don’t have any way to contact her.” I know the person who answered was really thinking, “Oh @#$%, Oh @#$%, what do I say?”

The ex is out of town on a business trip so they call him. He calls me. The beauty of this is that it is now 8:30 AM eastern time. The ex is in Seattle. All I get is a bleary voice saying, “It is 5:30 AM here. I have no idea what this means but the office says that Dish is going to be late.” The repair guy was at my house within 20 minutes of me getting the message so it stressed out the ex’s employees for nothing.

Later that same day I get a letter addressed to the ex since he still refuses to forward his mail. The return address is a local municipal court. I open it because I figure this is going to be good might be important.

It was a notification of license suspension. There were two licenses listed – one for the truck and one for the ex. That would be the truck I was currently driving. I had to read it several times to figure out that it was the ex’s license in jeopardy and not the truck’s so I was unlikely to be arrested in the next few minutes. Turns out he forgot to pay a speeding fine. I called him because I am a good ex-wife and managed to leave a message that didn’t start out, “Hey dumbass…” but it was hard. Then I had to help him get insurance info since he is out of town and our insurance is still all together until the divorce is final. I drew the line on calling the insurance company to get proof that we had insurance before our last renewal. I told him that was all up to him. There is a limit on how much I’m willing to do to keep him out of jail.