Under The Bed Dog is here.Â She’s Z’s dog and she’s special in her brain too.Â She inspires a lot of thoughts like, “Bless your little heart.Â You’re as dumb as a brick, aren’t you?”
She is incredibly timid at her house.Â She’s pretty brave here but she just has no idea how to be a proper dog.Â She looks up to Freckles to find out what to do.Â That is a good idea in theory.Â ‘When in Rome’ and all that.Â But her logic circuits break down at critical junctures.Â For example, she sees Freckles sitting on the couch next to a human and decides that would be a good idea for her too.Â Most dogs would go to the other side of the human.Â Not Under The Bed Dog.Â She attempts to occupy the exact space that Freckles is occupying.Â Since that would fry the laws of physics she ends up laying on top of Freckles.Â The proper response to that is for Freckles to tear her head off for being uppity.Â That doesn’t happen.Â The only reason that it doesn’t is because Freckles has learned that UTB Dog doesn’t learn anything from being reprimanded and Freckles doesn’t want to put out all that effort for nothing.Â So Freckles squirms out from under her and goes somewhere else.
UTB Dog has chewed up a pencil and a razor since she has been here.Â Yes, she was under the bed at the time so getting the pieces away from her was challenging.
This morning she got spooked because Riley looked at her so she refused to come inside after going to the bathroom.Â She was running in our backyard and the neighbor’s yard.Â I was out there in my bathrobe and crocs before dawn trying to get her back.Â All I needed was curlers in my hair and a rolling pin it to be perfect.
Freckles was so sad on the first day that she let me make her into the bed. Of course the next day I covered up UTB Dog’s head with an afghan and she couldn’t figure out how to get out so she laid there for half an hour, bless her heart.
Under The Bed Dog is clearly a few screws short of a lit bulb.