New toys

/ posted in: Fitness

Because my mother bought me a Wii after being told that it would not connect to my antediluvian TV, we went out and bought a new TV. The SO had been thinking about it ever since I met him but we are cheap and our current TV played DVDs just fine. We aren’t connected to any cable or satellite so having HD wasn’t an issue.

We had been talking about a 32 inch TV. By the time we got to the store he was eying a 37 inch with appreciative glances towards the 40s. I used to have a 57 in a room way too small for it so I was there as a steadying influence. TV buying interacts with testosterone in crazy ways.

We ended up with a 32 inch because it had by far the best picture of all the TVs on display. According to all the specifications it shouldn’t but it does. So there.

We got the Wii plugged in and working fine. He is now scared that I have some issues since I play the boxing program with exuberance. He’d be really scared if he saw me sword fight.

I was wanting a workout program but I hate, hate, hate, with the hatred of a thousand burning suns, the Wii Fit. It might be that the exercises are way too easy and it might be that it called me OVERWEIGHT, OVERWEIGHT, OVERWEIGHT at the top of its volume in a crowded public gym. You decide.

I bought the Your Shape with Jenny McCarthy. You don’t need any special controllers except for the camera that comes with it. This game projects an image of you doing the workout on screen so you can see every jiggle in its full glory. Thank every god ever imagined that we didn’t go bigger than the 32 inch TV.

You do a fitness test first. The programs analyzes your moves from the video to see if you are doing it right and then makes comments. Try to rest and it yells, “Get Moving!” This is a problem right now because I wasn’t wearing bright enough clothes to always differentiate me from the background. So I’d be working out in perfect sync with Jenny and it would be saying, “Watch those arms” because it couldn’t read me. I need to make sure I do this in white shirts to stand out.

Then it asks what you want to work on. I picked abs and it asked if I wanted to burn or to strengthen. I naively picked burn. Then it asked for how long. Not being totally stupid I picked 15 minutes instead of thinking I was tough and going for longer. The cardio workout wasn’t hard but it was intense. I was definitely puffing and sweating. While I admire Jenny McCarthy for turning what is usually considered a questionable career move (posing for Playboy) into the first step towards world domination, I have to admit that I yelled, “Sadistic b!tch!!” at her avatar a few times. But I got an intense enough workout that even my fingers aren’t working right now and typing this is hard. If I need a nap after a 15 minute workout I can’t imagine trying the hour long one.