Better than “Before”

Last week I mentioned that my pants were starting to fit a bit differently.  Yesterday I put on the same pants straight out of the dryer and they were officially big. That of course means I spent most of the day showing people that I could pull my pants down too low.  I’m a blast at parties.

So, this morning I decided to take some official pictures. I didn’t take before pictures because I knew they would be icky. But my pants are big!  I can see muscles in my arms. At the end of week three I’m ready to wow the world with my new body. I put on a tank top and shorts and figured out the self timer on the camera.

Oh My God!  I took the most unattractive portraits since Medusa’s high school graduation. My midsection has lumps and bulges like aliens are trying to escape. I looked at myself in the mirror and looked at the pictures trying to reconcile the two. I can’t.

I’ve decided to offer my services to makers of shady diet pills for their advertisements.  I could make Kate Moss look like a 300 lb matron. It is a skill.

I took some pictures of me flexing my arms. If you ignore the whole rest of the picture you can see my bicep and shoulder definition.  I’m holding on to that….


What Do You Think?

%d bloggers like this: