Based On A True Story

Last week I mentioned that my pants were starting to fit a bit differently.  Yesterday I put on the same pants straight out of the dryer and they were officially big. That of course means I spent most of the day showing people that I could pull my pants down too low.  I’m a blast at parties.

So, this morning I decided to take some official pictures. I didn’t take before pictures because I knew they would be icky. But my pants are big!  I can see muscles in my arms. At the end of week three I’m ready to wow the world with my new body. I put on a tank top and shorts and figured out the self timer on the camera.

Oh My God!  I took the most unattractive portraits since Medusa’s high school graduation. My midsection has lumps and bulges like aliens are trying to escape. I looked at myself in the mirror and looked at the pictures trying to reconcile the two. I can’t.

I’ve decided to offer my services to makers of shady diet pills for their advertisements.  I could make Kate Moss look like a 300 lb matron. It is a skill.

I took some pictures of me flexing my arms. If you ignore the whole rest of the picture you can see my bicep and shoulder definition.  I’m holding on to that….