I’m Done

We tried.  We really did.  Veterinarians are considered essential in this outbreak.  We stopped people from coming inside (and it was lovely!).  We washed our hands.  OMG, did we wash our hands.  I normally wash my hands at least 40-50 times a day depending on how many patients I see.  Now we were adding in extra handwashing.  My hands hurt.  The backs of my hands burned when I would run water on them.  That’s how you know you were doing a lot of handwashing.  We were wearing masks.  We were disinfecting.  My staff self-destructed of non-corona illnesses.  They went to the hospital where they may have been exposed to corona so they had to self-isolate.  We were down to what we thought was the absolute minimum and then we lost more.  Seriously, I’ve never seen so many sick people in my life.

I kept up with the news on the outbreak and the news on what we could do as a small business to help my practice owner.  I’d get mad because we were staying open and risking our health and people were mostly coming in because they were bored at home.  Toe nail trims galore.  Dogs who had ear infections for a month but now the owner was home with the smelly dog 24/7 so it became an emergency.

I’d come home and strip in the basement.  My clothes went right into the wash.  I went immediately upstairs and jumped into the shower to decontaminate like I’d been fighting a nuclear reactor meltdown.  I have a medically fragile husband.  I don’t need to bring this home.

Then I’d get to listen to the husband who had been listening to economic news all day long have a complete meltdown about what is going to happen to the economy.  I finally told him that I couldn’t take it.  I’d handle the health news.  He was on his own for economic.  I don’t normally have a problem with stress but this was getting to me.

Then a coworker was coughing.  No fever.  That’s it.  Sent her home.  She went to the doctor and they think it was corona.  They don’t know because she is young and not hospitalized so they can’t test her.  Are we exposed?  No idea.  Call the health department.  Do we close?  They tell us they can’t advise us without her having a test.  THERE ARE NO TESTS.  We decide to self-isolate.  (I’m about 100% sure she was not exposed at work.)

I was close to burn out already.  I didn’t get a vacation to decompress last year.  I went to Florida this January but it was a continuing education conference so I was in class 8 hours a day for 5 days and I took two coworkers with me.  Not exactly a calm and quiet vacation.  My patience level with humans was shot.

Oh yeah, let’s add in that I had to euthanize my dog on the day we closed.  And I had to do it with minimal crying because my snot is potentially infective to my husband who is holding her.  Yeah, I’m mentally and emotionally done.

Ok, deep breath.

I napped a good portion of the first day. I stopped looking at the news stories. I have decided to live in my little bubble of happiness. I’m 99.99% sure that my house is free of coronavirus, unless it is inside me. If it is, it is. There’s nothing I can do at this point. Honestly, if it got to me through all that handwashing then I tip my hat to it. It wins. So far I am fine.

I’ve quit looking at Twitter. I love Twitter but it all virus stories right now. I’m going to mute “coronavirus” and “COVID-19” and see if I can still see the happy stuff on my timeline.

I’m going on walks around my neighborhood.  So is everyone else but we are keeping a respectful distance from each other.  I’ve never seen this many people on my walks before.  I had two long walks today.  

I’m sewing.  I’m being totally fickle about what I sew.  Yesterday it was a quilt for a wedding that has already been postponed due to the virus.  No rush.  Today I worked on my hand-piecing quilt.  

I really haven’t read.  You’ll be shocked when you see how many books I’ve read this month.  They were all used to decompress my brain after coming home after work.  

I’m going to put up my hammock and chill.  I’m going to nap.  I haven’t had two weeks off since I was between jobs in 2017.  Before that it was a few weeks in 1997.  

The world is burning but right now I can’t do a damn thing about it.  So my priority for the next few weeks is to stay healthy and rebuild my mental and emotional stability.  I’ll let you know how it goes.