I learned the most interesting thing at work yesterday. We have a new blood pressure machine. I volunteered to test it because I had been feeling lightheaded and dizzy for a few days. When I said that one of the receptionists immediately asked me if I was pregnant.

That really made me mad. This receptionist is always asking me if I am pregnant. Had I said that I had been coughing she would have probably asked if I was pregnant. I once told her that I was going on vacation and her first question was not, “Where are you going?” like a normal person would ask. Her first question was, “Will you be conceiving on this trip?”

She knows that I am adamantly opposed to having biological children so when she asked this time I told her that I am not now nor will I ever be pregnant so stop asking me that.

The other receptionist and she processed this through their brains and combined it with a previous conversation that I can’t take birth control pills because they made me psychotic and came to a conclusion:

The husband is gay and I am trapped in a loveless marriage of convenience.

They were dead serious. They started telling me that there was something seriously wrong with any man that didn’t want sex. They said that the husband and I have the strangest relationship that they ever heard of. Then they told me he was gay. I guess the wife is always the last to know.

Now, maybe I’m just kinkier than I thought I was but I can mix up the ‘not going to get pregnant’ and ‘not on the pill’ facts and come up with a lot of other possibilities for my life than a gay husband. I’d say it showed a lack of imagination on their parts but actually I think it takes quite a bit of imagination to come up with that. I’ll go with it shows a lack of sexual imagination.

I laughed when they told me that. I’m sure they think I’m in denial or something. They started reworking their theory and wanted all the details of my sex life. I just walked away as the one yelled, “So, do you have oral sex?” through the clinic. Yet again I hope the (not gay to my knowledge) husband strikes it rich soon so I can quit this job.