Happy Birthday to Me!

/ posted in: FamilyReligion

The parent people came down for yesterday and today because today is my birthday. (Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me…)

They planned to help us put up drywall but we didn’t have the tools to make it easy so we only put up one sheet. I’m glad we stopped because my mother would have made us all insane if we were working longer. She’s got this annoying high energy thing that she does when she is working on a project.

My dad and the husband put the snowplow on the tractor and Mom and I cleaned out a closet and put all my recycling stuff in it so the husband quits throwing it out with the garbage. When we were cleaning that she took a suitcase upstairs. While she was gone (thank god) I found a box I didn’t recognize. I opened it and found it full of porn. I put it in the bedroom and planned a chat with the husband. He came in the house and saw that we had redone the closet. He panicked. Called me to the garage and asked which one of us found the box. He relaxed when I said I found it. Then he told me this complicated story about the deadbeat contractor and his son helping another friend move and having to move this huge porn collection. The son helped himself to a box but was afraid to take it home so he brought it here. The husband stashed it because he didn’t know what to do with it. That’s not a very likely story but considering the people involved I believe it totally. It seems just like the kind of ill-considered, dumbass plan the deadbeat contractor and offspring would hatch. I offered to take it to the recycling place. It is staffed by prison inmates who might need a bit of excitement in their lives. I’d be too embarrassed to actually do it though. These are some particularly nasty magazines. Maybe I’ll put it in the self-serve bins after hours.

I’ve decided that we should celebrate Yule instead of Christmas here. The husband still calls himself a Christian and is the particularly annoying type that is militant about saying Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays. But I explained to him that he gets to exchange presents four days early so he was all for it. He can’t stand the suspense of waiting to give presents. He forced me to open a present yesterday even though my birthday was today. My dad’s mom was the same way. I always got my easter basket on Palm Sunday.

Then we will go the parents’ house for family Christmas celebrations. My mother is being sneaky this year. My brother works at a church. The church is having a Christmas eve service so my brother has to work. My family usually has a Christmas eve party but several of the people that come don’t have Christmas eve off this year. So the mother person decided that the husband and I can accompany them to the Christmas eve service. She looked mighty triumphant when she announced that.

I was looking online for Yule decorations. Everything I found I thought was rather tacky. But I saw the best saying. It made me laugh hysterically.

“The solitice is the reason for the season”

That may not be hysterical to anyone who didn’t grow up fundamentalist. Tis the season when “Jesus is the reason for the season” designs sprout up everywhere. Unfortunately the ornament didn’t fit my non-tacky requirements. But I really need to put that on a button. I would wear it with pride.